Keep on fighting!



Complex PTSD & Friendship

Iv read & been told that being honest with your friends is the best option when you aren’t doing the best.

So lately Iv been completely honestly with them & told them how I’m really doing. It’s meant to be the best thing for both of us in the friendship.

Unfortunately that hasn’t been the case for me at all. Iv been honest & everyone seemed to disappear quietly. Less calls & texts then simply no contact at all.

I need my friends now more than ever but they are no where to be seen. It’s heartbreaking.

I’m the type of person who’s always there for my friends no matter what so now that I’m in desperate need for them no one is there.

I’m starting to think that it was the worst mistake being honest with them. I should have kept my mouth shut & just pretended that everything was fine, that way I’d still have people around.

I know how hard it must be to hear that your friend is going through hell but it’s even harder to walk away & leave them.

I’m in my 30s now so the chances of making new friends isn’t really going to happen. Especially since I’m not even leaving the house these days.

Thankfully I have my husband who is also my best friend but sometimes you really need other friends to talk to about random things.

Have you experienced the same thing? What did you do?

Things aren’t good at all

I can’t work out if I’m in the worst slump of my life or if it’s just that I’m older & much more aware of how I’m feeling & how badly it’s effecting me?

It’s been over 2 months of feeling this way & unfortunately I’m getting worse not better. Iv gotten to the stage where I’m not even leaving the house alone. Going to the shop around the corner makes me sick to even think about. I stay inside the four walls of my house cause I’m safe here. And honestly I don’t need to see or speak to random people.

If you knew me, you’d know me as a extremely outgoing & independent woman who always makes sure she looks good but these days I’m nothing like that at all. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. Iv put on weight & iv stopped looking after myself. It’s horrible & I can’t seem to change it.

If I’m invited to something like a party or out for coffee with a friend, I find an excuse not to go as the thought of going out isn’t a good one. It’s easier to decline & stay home in the comfort of my own surroundings.

Some of my friends know what’s going on but to be perfectly honest I don’t think they’ll even fully understand just how bad things are. Some are supportive & others have slipped away quietly without saying a word. Personally I don’t blame them but it is heartbreaking that they aren’t there for me like I have been for them
Oh well that’s life. Can’t change how others act.

I’d like nothing more than to get up in the morning, have a shower, get dressed & go out to do the things I need to do. Unfortunately that is a huge struggle.

Now I am waiting for my health insurance to kick on so I can go into a inpatient treatment program in a local hospital. I have another month before I can start so I just have to try to make through the next few weeks. Hopefully with the love & support of my husband & Mum then I’ll make it through.

Have you experienced something like this? What did you do? Did you find some treatment that helped you?