About me & why I’m doing this

I’m a 32 year old female & I live in Sydney, Australia.

I am now a full time student doing a Travel & Tourism course. I love it but it is so extremely hard doing it when I’m going to hell & back at the moment. I’m giving it 100% but sometimes that’s not enough. The teachers are so supportive & understanding so yet again that makes things a little easier. Travel is my passion so I know its where I want to be. But I will keep going & I will graduate.

My CPTSD comes from being sexually & mentally abused from age 4-10 years old. I wont go into details cause I know we all have our own stories & we dont need someone else’s to upset us or trigger our own stuff. My abuse lead to a chain of events where I was placed in government care & I basically had to fend for myself from when I was 12 years old. Not easy but I’m still here & still going strong.
Ill give you a little run down of my experience with finding out I had Complex PTSD!
I have been seeing doctors & therapists for the last 20+ years. Some were good & some were unbelievably bad.
They kept telling me that I had depression. Like most people, I believed them. Then something strange started happening I was having these things where I would black out. I explained it to my Dr & I was sent for brain scans, blood tests & a body scan. Turns out all along they were FLASHBACKS… Because no one had explained it to me I didn’t know what was happening. I thought I had a brain tumor.
Then in 2011 I wasn’t doing very well (again) I found out that our local hospital had a free mental health service. I rang up & got myself a appointment. After years of seeing different people I wasn’t nervous. My Mum had always said to me if I didn’t feel comfortable with a doctor or therapist then not to see them any more. You are telling them your deepest thoughts & problems so you need someone who you firstly like & secondly feel comfortable with.
I went along & met with the intake person, she was a lovely blonde Danish woman who I immediately liked her & felt so comfortable with. We had a chat for 20mins & she said that she would like to take me on as a patient.
We arranged to see each other once a week which was great for me, I haven’t been working full time for a good 3 years so I had plenty of time on my hands.
Over the next few sessions I started to feel a little more normal so to speak. She was so supportive & understanding, just how a therapist should be. One session I arrived & she had some paperwork in her hand, She said she had worked out that I didn’t have depression but I had something called Complex PTSD. Id never heard of it let alone the basic PTSD. She explained a bit about it & handed me the paperwork, I briefly read through it & said “OMG this is me” I started to cry, it was so nice to finally have a name for what Id been going through over the last 20 years. It was defiantly my ‘A ha’ moment!

I went home, typed Complex PTSD into Google & read all about it for the next few hours. It was so good to see that I wasn’t alone & that as I thought I wasn’t crazy after all. It happens to many people who have been sexually abused over long period of time.
Finally having a name for how I was feeling was amazing, I wasn’t a crazy lady like Id always thought lol I had complex PTSD from all the years of abuse. And after all the case studies I read about, I’m doing pretty well for myself.
Now as I said one of the main reasons I wanted to write this blog is cause that day when I found out I had complex PTSD I searched the all over the net but I couldn’t find anything written by someone who actually had CPTSD so I’m doing so hopefully others will read this & wont feel alone like I did.
Now we figure out the best way to make life easier for all us who suffer from this horrible thing they call Complex PTSD!


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