Uncomfortable Questions

Iv been with my man for 7 years. We are best friends & are basically joined at the hip. It’s perfect.

We’ve been engaged for almost 6 years & most people we know don’t even bother asking when we are getting married cause they know what the answer will be. “One Day”  Then we all laugh & nothing else is said. Simple as that.

Now the latest question isn’t as simple & it’s really bothering me. Mainly because I’m so sick of having to explain myself which I really shouldn’t have to do cause it’s none of their business.

When are you having a baby?”

The truth is I’m not having one. Iv made the decision not to have children. I know that might sound very shocking to some but I’m making the decision for myself & honestly its my choice not anyone else’s!

My thinking is if I can’t look after myself half the time how am I meant to care for a child? I don’t agree with people having babies when they can’t care for themselves.

Don’t get me wrong I love babies & children, I just don’t feel like I’m cut out to be a mother.  Thankfully we live in a time when I can make that choice but a lot of people don’t agree with me.

Complex PTSD & Me Plus Baby doesn’t work for me personally!

.This is how it use to go…

“When are you having a baby” Or “You’ll be next to get pregnant”

I would say “No we’ve decided that we aren’t having any” well that opens the flood gates

“Oh why not? You’d be a great Mum” “Trust me you’ll change your mind & have one” ” Go on you really should have one soon”

My annoyed response would be “I’m NOT having a baby. I don’t want children!”

“You say that now but I know you’ll have one, one day” “Trust me once you have a baby you’ll change  your mind” “Its the best thing ever to be a mother” “Go on you know you want one” 

Ahhhhhhh why am I wasting my breath with these people? They just don’t get it!!!!

After the last year or so having this conversation with people I know & with complete strangers I decided I needed a new approach.

“So when are you guys having a baby?”
“I can’t have them”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear, so how about the weather? It’s been really nice lately”

Problem solved. It’s not the truth but it stops very uncomfortable conversations I really dont want to have with people.

Now if they do ask “Oh why not whats wrong?” The best response is “Sorry I dont want to talk about it”

My fiancé & I have discussed it at lengths so it’s a decision we have made together as a couple which we are both very happy with. If we are happy with our decision then that’s all that matters. You two are the only ones in the relationship & the only ones that get a say in the matter.

All of our friends have children so we have a life filled with them so we can spend time with them, act like cool crazy Aunt & Uncle then once we are tired we hand them back. Its the best of both worlds & it works perfectly for us so that’s all that matters.

Just because we have reproductive organs doesn’t me we have to reproduce.

If you too are feeling the pressure then I dont mind if you use this approach too.

Trust me it works wonder!


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