Iv been with my man for 7 years. We are best friends & are basically joined at the hip. It’s perfect.
We’ve been engaged for almost 6 years & most people we know don’t even bother asking when we are getting married cause they know what the answer will be. “One Day” Then we all laugh & nothing else is said. Simple as that.
Now the latest question isn’t as simple & it’s really bothering me. Mainly because I’m so sick of having to explain myself which I really shouldn’t have to do cause it’s none of their business.
“When are you having a baby?”
The truth is I’m not having one. Iv made the decision not to have children. I know that might sound very shocking to some but I’m making the decision for myself & honestly its my choice not anyone else’s!
My thinking is if I can’t look after myself half the time how am I meant to care for a child? I don’t agree with people having babies when they can’t care for themselves.
Don’t get me wrong I love babies & children, I just don’t feel like I’m cut out to be a mother. Thankfully we live in a time when I can make that choice but a lot of people don’t agree with me.
Complex PTSD & Me Plus Baby doesn’t work for me personally!
.This is how it use to go…
“When are you having a baby” Or “You’ll be next to get pregnant”
I would say “No we’ve decided that we aren’t having any” well that opens the flood gates
“Oh why not? You’d be a great Mum” “Trust me you’ll change your mind & have one” ” Go on you really should have one soon”
My annoyed response would be “I’m NOT having a baby. I don’t want children!”
“You say that now but I know you’ll have one, one day” “Trust me once you have a baby you’ll change your mind” “Its the best thing ever to be a mother” “Go on you know you want one”
Ahhhhhhh why am I wasting my breath with these people? They just don’t get it!!!!
After the last year or so having this conversation with people I know & with complete strangers I decided I needed a new approach.
“So when are you guys having a baby?”
“I can’t have them”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear, so how about the weather? It’s been really nice lately”
Problem solved. It’s not the truth but it stops very uncomfortable conversations I really dont want to have with people.
Now if they do ask “Oh why not whats wrong?” The best response is “Sorry I dont want to talk about it”
My fiancé & I have discussed it at lengths so it’s a decision we have made together as a couple which we are both very happy with. If we are happy with our decision then that’s all that matters. You two are the only ones in the relationship & the only ones that get a say in the matter.
All of our friends have children so we have a life filled with them so we can spend time with them, act like cool crazy Aunt & Uncle then once we are tired we hand them back. Its the best of both worlds & it works perfectly for us so that’s all that matters.
Just because we have reproductive organs doesn’t me we have to reproduce.
If you too are feeling the pressure then I dont mind if you use this approach too.
Trust me it works wonder!