A few things have happened over the last couple of weeks & I can feel myself slipping into depressive slump.
It feels like it’s been one thing after another & now it’s snowballing out of control.
It’s a horrid feeling. I know that there is a strong possibility that things will get worse & I won’t want to leave the house or have anything to do with anyone.
The hardest part is that when I’m like this my flashbacks become really bad so not only am I down but Im also reliving my trauma which is hard to deal with at the best of time.
After all these years dealing with CPTSD Iv learned to listen to myself & how I’m feeling & how I’m reacting to situations.
So at the moment I’m not feeling good at all & I’m reacting terribly to situations.
At this point I can do one of two things. I can fall into the depressive slump & suffer in silence for days, weeks or possibly months. Or I can ask for help, talk it out & get through this difficult time.
Now that is the hardest part, Because the feelings of giving up out way the feeling of wanting to fight on.
I’m laying in my room with the curtains closed, the TV on some crap I’m not even watching & I feeling miserable, nothing could change this mood at the moment.
I could pick up the phone & call someone but the honest truth is that I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to explain what’s going on. I want to close the door & shut the world out for a few days.
I should be in class this afternoon but I can’t face the world right now. Thankfully I have amazingly supportive & understanding teachers.
A few days worth of sleep might help, as sleep & I aren’t getting along again. Iv tried mediation, sleeping tablets & tiring myself out but it’s just not working. I can’t seem to switch off.
I think I should just give myself a few days doing nothing. Resting. Watching movies that I love. Meditating (if it works). Sleeping. Just having some me time all alone & being kind to myself.
Hopefully after some much needed sleep, mental stimulation & relaxation I’ll be ready to tackle my everyday challenges.
Wish me luck.