Extremely disappointed after making a realisation

At the start of the year I decided to follow my passion, I singed up for a Travel & Tourism course in the hopes I could be a travel agent.

I love to travel, Iv been bitten by the travel bug  & I love helping others get bitten too. Travel is such an amazing thing in life. Going to new places, experiencing new things & meeting new people. Plus I’m a different person when I’m away, all my worries seem to disappear.

I wanted to be in a job where I can share my love & knowledge of travel with others. To help others book their trips of a lifetime.

The course has been been great & Iv enjoyed learning lots of new & interesting things. Iv made some friends & have been so blessed to have the more amazing & understanding teachers.

I decided when I wasn’t feeling the best to let my teacher know what was going on, to my surprise they were so amazing about it. They helped me get through the hard times but letting me do some of my work at home & in my own time. It was so helpful, I took the time I needed & was able to pass all my classes.

I am now 4 weeks from graduating & Iv come to the realisation that I really wouldn’t cope in the industry. It’s such a high pressured job with huge responsibilities, you have to be so on the ball with everything you do & you cant make mistakes as you could ruin someones trip of a lifetime so I couldn’t live with myself knowing I did that.

I know I can easily get a job in the field but I deep down that it wouldn’t be fare on me or the employer.

Having CPTSD you dont know when you’re going to have a bad day, week or month so you cant just say to your boss “Not doing very well at the moment can you take over” It just wouldn’t happen nor would it be fare.

Its heartbreaking to know I put everything I have into this course, I am so passionate about the industry but I just cant do it.

We dont deal well with pressure at the best of times so why would we put ourselves under even more pressure in a job? Its not worth it. We want to do well in life so being in a stressful environment when we have stress going on in our heads isn’t a smart move.  Then if we fail we would be so unbelievably hard on ourselves.

Now the hard part is finding a less stressful job still in the Travel & Tourism industry so I can still be involved with something that I love. I really dont know what it will be but I will keep thinking & asking advice from people that I know.

In saying all that, even though I wont be getting a job as a travel agent I will still finish the course & feel very proud of myself for completing it.

I have to remember that I haven’t failed, Iv just listened to myself & realised that I’m doing whats right for me!

I hope that in the coming months that I can find something that is perfectly suited to me & I can be proud of myself for sticking with something I am so passionate about.

Wish me luck!

Be kind to yourself Xx

The photo is of my collection of travel books. All the places on my travel wish list!

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