Today hasn’t been a good one at all.
I woke up & everything was okay but then out of no where I started getting flashbacks.
Normally I know what’s triggered me & I can take myself away from what’s doing it but today I couldn’t put my finger on it.
After a few hours of feeling miserable I decided that I needed to get out of the house & do something for myself.
I got dressed (that was a struggle in itself) got my things together & opened the front door. Then BANG**** I’m hit in the face with the strongest smell of curry. It’s only of my hardest triggers. It throws me for six.
Having CPTSD our seances are so much more heightened that everyone else so we are so much more effected.
In that split second I needed to decided to run back inside & lock myself a away again or keep walking.
I kept walking. I went up the road & got myself a pedicure. Taking focus off the bad & putting it on something nice for myself really helps. I’m finally learning to be kind to myself.
Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t solve all my problems but it helps with the now. Doing small things for ourselves is a important part of healing.
I won’t lie when I got home I went back into my slump but at least I got out & about to do something for myself.
The flashbacks were gone but iv just been feeling empty & out of it. The hardest this is trying to explain that.
I have to “try” to get myself together for class tomorrow. I’ll have to put on my mask & pretend that I’m okay. We as survivors are really good at that.
The truth is ill probably be feeling like this for awhile to come but I’ll just plod on with a fake smile on my face pretending that everything is fine.
Thankfully for me these days, I don’t have to do that with my loved ones. I promised them I wouldn’t hide how I’m feeling & I won’t anymore.
If you’re feeling the same way please tell someone so you get the love & support that you need.
Remember to be kind to yourself!