The last few weeks haven’t been good at all. Iv been completely Blah & not the best at all.
My anxiety has been through the roof & I haven’t wanted to go anywhere or do anything. Iv been having flashbacks which make everyday life so difficult. Iv been crying all the time & getting so angry with myself for feeling that way.
I made myself an appointment with the psychiatrist a few weeks ago & I had the appointment today.
On the way to the appointment I joked with my hubby that they should just lock me in a paddled cell & throw away the key. He wasn’t very happy about me say that, personally I thought it was funny & maybe a little but true.
I hadn’t seen this doctor before so I was nervous about having to explain my situation to someone new. Thankfully when I arrived she had read through my notes so she knew a lot about me, that made it so much easier.
She asked me all the relevant questions then asked me to explain how I had been feeling. I told her everything that has been going on. Just how hard doing everyday tasks are. I explained whats been going on in pretty much ever detail.
Iv learnt over the years that you shouldn’t leave anything out, tell them everything & anything so they can help you in every possible way. Don’t leave anything out in fear that they might be shocked, dont worry they have heard it all before & probably worse than what you have to tell them.
After I told her everything she sat back in her chair & to my surprise she said that she thinks I’m doing a lot better than what I think I am. She said the way that I’m feeling is completely normal for someone who suffers from Complex PTSD. She said I should be proud of myself that I’m doing as well as I am.
Now I will admit that I wish she had said “Yes there is something wrong with you, take this tablet twice a day & you will feel normal again” But I know that that will never happen.
When I was walking home I thought ‘Okay I’m not doing as badly as I thought’ I think I need to give myself more credit & I definitely need to stop being so hard on myself. We are all guilty of it. We think we should be doing more, we should be happier & we should be normal.
After hearing that its okay to be feeling like this I am going to take the time for myself & get back to normal again. If that means doing nothing & doing things for myself to change how I’m feeling then that’s what Ill be doing. I will take the pressure off myself & just go with the flow.
If you’re feeling the same way, please get yourself an appointment with a doctor & get the help that you need. You might be the same as me & just need someone to tell you that you are actually doing a lot better than you think.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself!