I’m really struggling lately. I feel like I’m grieving the lost of the normal life I should of had. Instead my innocence was stolen & so was any chance of a normal existence.
I see all my friends married, with a career & having children yet I’m struggling to just get through the days at the moment.
I keep thinking where would I be? Would I be the flight attendant or doctor that I wanted to be growing up? Would I be married with a few children by now? Would I have a better relationship with my family?
All those years of sexual & mental abuse will stay with me & effect me till the day I die. It’s not going to go away because having complex PTSD stays with you forever.
I can try to make life more bearable for myself but I think I shouldn’t have too. I should be enjoying an amazing life that my Mum dreamed of when I was born. Instead I’m an absolute mess half the time & just getting through the days are a battle.
I get so angry when I think that the man that did this to me is free & living (probably) a guilt free life while I have a life sentence to deal with.
I know I will get through this rough patch but I also know that there will be many many more to come in the future.
Do you ever think about what could have been?
Be kind to yourself Xx