I shouldn’t of done that but I didn’t know what else to do

Iv been struggling so badly lately & last night I did something I shouldn’t of done.

After having a few to many drinks I was so desperate to end it all. I took too many sleeping tablets & painkillers. After doing this I realised what a stupid thing Id done & told my fiancé. He called 000 & I was rushed to hospital. I was looked after & released this morning.

The doctors & nurses keep asking why? The only answer I had for them is that there isn’t enough help available for suffers of CTPSD. I have been searching all over the place to get the help I so desperately need but I can’t find anything.

It’s making everyday life even harder to know that there isn’t any help for someone like me. I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t do this to myself. Someone else did unspeakable things to me when I was a child & it’s still effecting me so badly. I can’t take the contact triggers & memories anymore.

This illness is a very serious one & there needs to be more research done to help all of us.

Please if you are feeling like me don’t do the same thing. Pick up the phone & call someone to get the help you need. I made a huge mistake & I should of done the same.

I hope now that Iv realised I can’t take it anymore I will be able to get the help I need to get through this difficult time.

I keep saying to my readers to look after yourself & I need to take my own advice. I need to take better care of me for a change

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3 thoughts on “I shouldn’t of done that but I didn’t know what else to do

  1. You still did make a good choice and spoke up! you fought back against the demon and you won this battle. It’s like being in the ocean so deep and not knowing how to swim; we can try with all our might to stay above the water but eventually we sink, its our cry’s for help that keep us afloat. our support system and those around us that will grab our hand when we cry for help. you cried and someone grabbed your hand.
    That doesn’t always happen in time and not everyone who suffers like we do have a good or support system at all. a lot go undiagnosed for years or even worse misdiagnosed. I am so glad you had a hand to pull you out of the swells of the all consuming pull and swelling waves of the ocean that is C.P.T.S.D. keep reaching and keep crying out for help. I have my good days and sometimes months and dare I say I almost had a year but those triggers are always going to be a part of my life and who I am and knowing that is a kind of empowering in that I can say I know myself and this is how I work and this is how I don’t.
    It’s so brave for you to share so candidly your struggle with others. there is that feeling of hope in knowing that we are not alone in our suffering and pain.
    Much love you and yours. myplace2spu

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. Thank you for your incredibly kind & powerful words. You explained exactly how I was feeling. Unfortunately I can’t seem to express it at the moment. Its so nice to know that we are not alone & that there are many people out there dealing with the same struggles. I will save your comment & look back on it when I’m having a hard time. Thank you so much. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Your welcome, im happy to have come across your post when I did, I hsve been struggling myself with some pretty trying nightmares and flashbacks on top of having to face an abuser and my narcissistic mother popping into town whon normally lives 3 states away. My thoughts have been pretty well lets just say ocean bound and I have had to cry out to a lot of resources to get through it. Some of them have been here on wordpress fellow cptsd’rs . I dont think people quiet get it, and understandably becsuse sometimes even I dont get it but I do know sharring and getting support with people like minded in a sense helps takr the edge off. So thank you too. And you welcome. Anytime! I might not be able to get back to you asap but I do my best to respond between my kiddos and life stuff. Hang in there. One day at a time and sometimes one breathe at a time 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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