This is where I am at the moment

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2 thoughts on “This is where I am at the moment

  1. I feel like this now. I had a hard time getting up for school during high school and it turned into a huge daily fiasco, my mom would rush me to school, but I’d miss the first bell. I’d end up crying almost every single day.

    Now I have major anxiety attacks whenever I think I’ll be late for an appointment. I think a lot of it was due to being threatened with detention for being late, and not being able to go home which was my safe space. My mind and body just can’t understand being late no longer means I’ll be threatened with being held hostage from home. I feel guilt or maybe shame like I’m not being a good girl if I’m late.

    I think the major problem is if I don’t make appointments for legal & health reasons my meds may not be able to be prescribed anymore. Then my mind age regresses and I say things like, “What did I do to be punished like this?” Like it’s some school punishment for bad behavior.

    So now I’m posting this after comfort eating pretzel sticks cause salt and carbs are good. My mom says she’s going to try and find me a different psychologist who understands C-PTSD better, cause my current psychiatrist doesn’t seem to be getting how serious this is.

    I don’t even remember much of why I’m still reacting like this, it gets to a point where I start feeling like I’m crazy. Then I don’t know why I said that cause I know I’m not.

    I’m going to go to sleep. I thought maybe it would help if I got another perspective on this. It feels like the Twilight Zone when you no longer understand why you’re triggered anymore.

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    • Oh Hun that’s terrible. But it sounds like you are taking the right steps. Finding good doctors are very important. They will hopefully help you & make life easier for you to deal with. Also maybe you should get your Mum to talk to school so things like that don’t happen. The more the school knows the easier things will be for you. I’m sure they will be understanding & supportive. But if they aren’t then you should change schools. Have you thought about joining a support group? That way you’ll have help & you will meet some like minded people. If you want to talk further then please let me know. Cee X

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