Taking a massive step… And extremely nervous about it!

Iv been struggling with horrible flashbacks, terrible anxiety & generally feeling like things aren’t going to get any better. Then I did something I shouldn’t of done. I took too many sleeping tablets & painkillers & ended up in the hospital a few weeks ago. Deep down I knew that it was a cry for help as I didn’t want to die but I wanted people to know just how bad I really was doing.

The next day after I was released from hospital I decided that I couldn’t continue like this any more, Its too much to deal with & I honestly didn’t know how much more I can take. I contacted a therapist that I use to see & asked if she could suggest anything that could help me.

I was given the details of a hospital that does an inpatient PTSD program. Its a 3-4 week incentive program that focuses on coping with flashbacks, triggers, anger & relationships. It sounds like the perfect thing for me & I am prepared to give it 100% so I can finally start to live some sort of normal existence.

The reason it makes me so nervous is that firstly Ill be away from my husband for that length of time, we have only spend 2 nights in a row apart in the last 4 years so its a hard thing to think of. The hospital is over an hour away from where we live so I dont expect him to drive there everyday. Secondly I know that there are so many more memories that need to come out, things that I know happened but that I have pushed deep deep down so I never had to deal with them. But I also know that they need to come out so I can finally get the help & start healing from these horrid traumatic events.

The other thing is as its covered by health insurance there is a 8 week waiting period so as of today I have 7 weeks before I can be admitted to the program. At the moment I’m all for it but its the waiting & anticipation that gets you. As we all do we over think things & then Ill possibly talk myself out of it a few times but then again I am desperate for change so deep down I know this is the best option for me, for my Hubby, my Mum, my Friends & for our future.

Hopefully Ill be able to take my computer so I can blog about it while I’m there & hopefully share some of the tools I learn with you.

Have you done a program like this? How did you find it? Was it helpful for your recovery? Id love to know what other suffers think!

Don’t forget to look after number 1 & be kind to yourself!

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