Things aren’t good at all

I can’t work out if I’m in the worst slump of my life or if it’s just that I’m older & much more aware of how I’m feeling & how badly it’s effecting me?

It’s been over 2 months of feeling this way & unfortunately I’m getting worse not better. Iv gotten to the stage where I’m not even leaving the house alone. Going to the shop around the corner makes me sick to even think about. I stay inside the four walls of my house cause I’m safe here. And honestly I don’t need to see or speak to random people.

If you knew me, you’d know me as a extremely outgoing & independent woman who always makes sure she looks good but these days I’m nothing like that at all. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. Iv put on weight & iv stopped looking after myself. It’s horrible & I can’t seem to change it.

If I’m invited to something like a party or out for coffee with a friend, I find an excuse not to go as the thought of going out isn’t a good one. It’s easier to decline & stay home in the comfort of my own surroundings.

Some of my friends know what’s going on but to be perfectly honest I don’t think they’ll even fully understand just how bad things are. Some are supportive & others have slipped away quietly without saying a word. Personally I don’t blame them but it is heartbreaking that they aren’t there for me like I have been for them
Oh well that’s life. Can’t change how others act.

I’d like nothing more than to get up in the morning, have a shower, get dressed & go out to do the things I need to do. Unfortunately that is a huge struggle.

Now I am waiting for my health insurance to kick on so I can go into a inpatient treatment program in a local hospital. I have another month before I can start so I just have to try to make through the next few weeks. Hopefully with the love & support of my husband & Mum then I’ll make it through.

Have you experienced something like this? What did you do? Did you find some treatment that helped you?

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5 thoughts on “Things aren’t good at all

  1. I’m sort at this wierd point with the PTSD that is sort of different for me. It’s like, maybe if I just sit with it a bit instead of always trying to push against it, I’ll get to a better place inside of my own head. I’ll keep checking your blog to see how you’re doing…

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  2. Clare, you’re definitely not alone in dealing with those symptoms. I’ve been holed up, unable to get out of my home many times, having dealt with c-PTSD for over 40 years. I’m going through my latest period now. Except for taking my dog out to do his business, I’ve only been out of the house 3 times since the beginning of December , for groceries … I’ve resorted to pizza and chinese food deliveries for a lot of my meals.

    Only a few friends appreciate what I’m going through. The rest approach me with the old, “just snap out of it,” or “just do it,” encouragements. Part of me is grateful they’ve not been exposed to the trauma that we c-PTSD sufferers have had to endure. I wouldn’t wish my suffering on my worst enemy! And the ones you mentioned … the ones that have stopped coming around? Don’t put that on you – that’s THEIR decision. You don’t have the strength to get out? Well, they don’t have the strength to deal with someone in pain! And there’s no blame in any of that – not in you, not in them.

    Hang in there – you’re lucky to have family around you. My last relationship ended because she grew tired of waiting for me to “snap out of it”. And good luck with the insurance. Mine kicks in this weekend and I already have a therapist appointment set up.

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    • Aww thank you for your kind words. Its a horrible illness & if youve never experienced it you just dont understand so its nice to hear from people who are in the same boat.
      I know deep down that it will pass but as you know when you’re in the slump thats a hard thing to think of.
      I really hope you get better soon.
      Clare

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